Tater Scot, a Modern Day Wizard

Hello, let me introduce myself, I am Tater Scot, a modern day wizard. Perhaps I should give you a little of my history. I was raised Southern Baptist from birth. My family’s Southern Baptist roots go back several generations. I attended church several times a week and went to a Southern Baptist high school. I still remember there was no dancing at the school, so, of course, no prom. We were like a real life “Footloose” story. So I existed in the Southern Baptist world for many years. And I learned one thing for sure, the Southern Baptist message is simple, fear. Fear God, fear change, fear anyone with common reasoning skills and most importantly, fear hell. Because if God (or the Southern Baptists) don’t approve, that’s where you’re going! But that could only work on me for so long. As reason kicked in, it started to dawn on me that these fear-mongers had no real answers. They all lived in fear, controlled by that same fear, which they instilled. Well I figured maybe it was just the Southern Baptists.

So I tried the United Methodist church. I still remember my grandma, who I love dearly, was greatly distressed that I might lose my salvation because I “moved my letter” (membership) to a non-Southern Baptist church. To her, all the prayers and good works in the world, didn’t matter. Those who aren’t members of “God’s church” will burn in hell. Southern Baptist fear doesn’t let go easily. Well after a bit of time with the United Methodists, I learned their message is also, simple, they don’t really have a message but if you follow a plan and include God somewhere, it should work. Oh yeah, and be real nice. God likes that. Well that didn’t really help find the truth. So that’s when I began to realize that there must be better ways to divine the truth. And my quest to divine this evasive truth began.

I originally started with reading tea leaves but drinking all that tea just kept me up all night, nervous about my future. So I tried pendulums, but my hands were still shaky from all the tea. So I tried to learn palmistry, but the guy teaching it, had Parkinsons. I was afraid he might think I was making fun of him, being still shaky from the tea. And I’m really thinking maybe I need to stop drinking all the tea. Well anyway, after that, I tried learning how to read entrails, but finding virgins willing to be sacrificed can be very daughting and, let’s be honest, you can only visit the pound so often before they start to get suspicious. Okay, maybe not. But after much searching, I discovered that all truth is in the Tarot cards, which I found a lot easier to read, and hey, no messy entrails! Bonus!

So I began to read my tarot cards everyday. Over time, I even came up with my own tarot card spreads. I wanted to call them Tater Spreads but I thought that would most likely draw the wrong kind of crowd. Maybe I can use that for my potato flavored margarine idea, I’m working on. Perhaps, you have other ideas. Pervert! 😉

Now some people will tell you that the cards are open to interpretation and that they really can’t help you, but I disagree. I asked the cards, just the other day, to help me find my car keys. Okay, so maybe it didn’t quite work out the way I thought it would. All the clues kept leading me to the bodies of dead missing children. Hey, I’m looking for keys, not kids. Well obviously, I need to be more specific. Okay then I found Amelia Earnhart. Was my keys with her? Nope. Well I was stumped. I even solved the Jimmy Hoffa case and found your missing sock, which has a hole in it by the way, but still, no keys. Finally, I found Carmen San Diego, under my couch, and, miraculously, under her, was my car keys! See? This stuff really works!

There are other people, who will tell you that the type of cards you use makes a difference. But that’s not true, just the other day, I was using the Chance and Community Chest cards from my Monopoly Game. I had a great reading, not only did I get out of jail free and got $100 from a bank error in my favor but I won an extra $20 in a beauty contest. Okay, so I won the beauty contest while still in jail but hey, a win’s, a win in my book!

In truth, few people truly understand the tarot cards. I always chuckle when the Death card is pulled during a reading and the person I am reading for, reacts with uncomfortable shock. I have to explain to them that the Death card rarely means actual death. If it did, then a great deal of people would be keeling over at readings, all the time. Boy, that would really kill of my psychic reading business. Pardon the pun. Maybe I should just make a card that says “Get hit by a bus”, that way, there is no question. But seriously, the Death card is all about transformation. Do you remember when you were 13 years old? Do you remember the transformation from child to teenager? That hellish time with change on all levels; physical, mental, emotional & spiritual. That is the Death card. It is death to the old to make way for the new. It is the symbol of Baptism, the death of the old man giving rise the new man. It is the caterpillar that has gone into the cocoon to emerge later as the butterfly.

The truth, like the cat in the above picture, is hidden in plain site. Easy to spot but only if you know where to look. The keys that unlock the hidden truth of the universe can be found in the Tarot. I suggest you start your own quest, pick up a tarot deck and happy reading! 😉





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About Tater Scot

Tater Scot is a comic, entertainer & psychic living in the Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, Arizona.
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17 Responses to Tater Scot, a Modern Day Wizard

  1. Klub says:

    I really appreciate your unique sense of humor. I have been searching everywhere for something to bring me laughter! Thank goodness I found your site on Yahoo. You’ve made my day! Thank you once again.

  2. Valerie Sinatra says:

    Tater, you write very well! Lots of people will likely benefit from your posts. I look forward to reading more. I have bookmarked this page! Take care!

  3. Wonderful blog page here, loads up so fast! Your posts are very funny! I’m glad I found this page! I can’t wait for more hilarious stories!

  4. Marcus Leviner says:

    I have been checking out many of your stories and I really like them, especially the one about the peanut butter fingers and your dog. I will surely bookmark your blog.

  5. Allen Ruzzo says:

    Many thanks for sharing your stories. They are funny yet informative. Your blog is so cool. You, Mr. Tater, sir, ROCK! What a fun site! I have shared it with my Facebook friends & my Google circles!

  6. Eric Berly says:

    Thank you for sharing these creatively funny articles. Totally worth the read!

  7. Alice Hern says:

    What a great internet site. Funny and magical. I am a practicing Wicca and your article on reading Monopoly cards was a laugh-a-minute. Your insight on Death is very in-depth.

  8. Chris Knight says:

    I found your website through another comic’s site. Your stories made me smile. Thanks for posting them.

  9. Your site is impressive. The articles are good, especially about the laundromat. I have bookmarked this page and the RSS feed so I don’t miss any new articles. Excellent work!

  10. Jimmy Kim says:

    I really liked your article about the modern day wizard. I unfortunately had the same issues with the church and was drawn to magick. Thank you for sharing your story.

  11. Paul Green says:

    It is obvious that you write from the heart and your stories make me laugh & think. Kudos to the excellent job!

  12. alex goad says:

    Very cool site! Very comical! I hope there is more to come!

  13. Great site, Mr. Scot. I especially liked the laundramat. I was laughing so loud, I almost got in trouble with my coworkers. But it was totally worth it!

  14. Doreen Richardson says:

    I was very touched by this article. I am very glad to the changes you made and where you life has gone.

  15. Lori Prichard says:

    I just wanted to say I loved the part about using Monopoly cards for your reading and got out of jail free. I nearly peed in my pants.

  16. Wow, what an amazing story! Thank you, Tater, for sharing it.

  17. Conner Blackwell says:

    I appreciate this post. I was raised in a similar situation so I completely understand. God Bless you dude. Have a good afternoon. Cya.